If you don’t feel like reading all the reasoning behind me leaving the platform, here’s the long short. I’m taking a long break from Instagram/the business I’ve created over the past 5, almost 6 years, because I’ve felt called to. Simple as that. I know that may seem silly to so many of you, but I’ve literally been called away from it to put more effort into our family without so many distractions. And at the end of the day, Instagram is a distraction, and not something I’m willing to sacrifice my family for. This is a very personal decision. I’m not criticizing anyone on it…I mean, I’ve been a part of it for such a long time. It can be a great place, but it’s gotten to an unhealthy place for me, and I have to be obedient to the Lord.
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I’ve known I’d take a break for a long time now, and I kept trying. I kept trying to just take a week off or a couple weeks off, and it just wasn’t possible for me. The emails would still come in, the DMs would pile up, and somehow packages kept showing up at my door!
About two years ago…gosh, maybe three years ago, I felt the nudge to spend more time just with my family…with no distractions, but I kept justifying why I was doing what I was doing. I was making a small income. I enjoyed it. I was creating art. I was learning more about photography. I was creating genuine friendships on social media. I loved talking to my community/followers. We got products for free, and it would be things we’d have to buy anyways, so why not get paid to take photos or at least just photograph them. I felt like I had found my voice, and somehow making a difference. It was “my” thing away from being a mom and a wife…etc, etc.
And all of those things are so true, and not inherently bad things. But I also saw how all this good stuff was taking me away from my family and creating values we didn’t really cherish. For example, we don’t really do much screen time here. We value reading and playing and creating more than watching Disney and playing on tablets. And yet, here I was, constantly putting my nose in my phone. Like, I’m embarrassed to say how many hours my screen time showed each week. Sometimes, it was upwards of 5 hours per day. YIKES guys!
And on top of me being on my phone all day long, my kids started using things to be their pretend phones and do stories about what they were doing…kind of cute at first, but then you realize they’re doing it all the time, because that’s what they see me doing all the time! Definitely not how I want to be viewed. My girls also expect packages every.single.day. They always ask what package is in the mail or on the front porch. I can see them being consumed by material possessions at such a young age, and I’m just NOT okay with that. I feel like that’s created a lot of problems within our family, because they always want more, and their minds just can’t grasp that it’s for mommy’s job.
So, rewind to three years ago…a little after Hazel was born, and I felt the Lord nudging me to take time off. To pause and really lean into my family and mothering. Well, as you can see, I didn’t listen very well, because I kept justifying all the good stuff. I mean, heck, it was a business I built all by myself from the ground up! It’s hard to mentally walk away from that. And still thinking about saying “goodbye,” not knowing when or if I’ll say “hello” again, makes me tear up and kind of yell at God. Asking Him, “why me?” Why did you tell me this and not someone else?!
It all came crashing down last year. Along with so much else in 2020 ha! It was such a beautiful year, having my first home birth, not going into postpartum depression, really learning who I was, what I stand for, and how we want to cultivate our family moving forward. And it’s also been a trying year with everything going on around the world, which has made me want to move even farther away from social media. It’s so loud. There are way too many opinions, and I read them whether I want to or not, because I scroll and read. And the opinions have just escalated this year as the US has been fragmented more and more. I don’t like reading that I’m not loving my family if I want to visit them. I don’t like reading that if I don’t speak up, I don’t deserve a “platform” or if I didn’t vote for your favorite guy, I’m not a Christian. Yes, I know what I stand for and agree with, but when there’s so much noise, you just start to question yourself sometimes…or do the opposite and turn into someone really prideful! These are things I’ve been battling.
There are so many things that have just slowly chipped away at my emotional core, and I didn’t even realize it until I just felt so very heavy at the end of the day.
We also started reading books by John Mark Comer (our favorite is The Ruthless Elimination of Hustle) and listening to his sermons from Bridgetown in Portland, Oregon. And I’ll never forget the day I knew I had to get off Instagram ASAP. He said in his sermon something to the effect of, “Amazon is the new temple, and influencers are the new priests.” I immediately wondered how he knew what I had been struggling with internally! And I knew that I did not want to be a priest of selling things to people whether intentionally or not. Just by constantly showing things every day, I could be causing someone to be jealous or covet or overspend…and those were not things I wanted hanging over my head in the name of making another buck.
And you could be thinking, “well, okay, just stop agreeing to show products.” And honestly, you’re right! I could do that, but I know, if I’m being really transparent right now, I’m addicted to those packages showing up every day too. It’s fun! But it comes at a cost. The cost of my mind, my values, my girls consuming way too much, and literally just waste. I have too many things to use them all. It’s what America values…all the things, and everything new, but it’s not what I value, and I don’t think the Lord values it either.
At the end of the day, I have to do what God is telling me to do. I have to do what’s best for our family. If this is a platform God wants me to have, I know it won’t be gone forever. Obedience is the beginning of better things. No matter how hard the goodbye is, and you guys…it’s hard. Every single person I’ve spoken to over Instagram, I’ve cherished our conversations and relationships. So, I’m believing that if writing and sharing is a gift of mine, it’ll always be there in the future if I obey now. My children are only young and impressionable for so long.
So, until then, I’ll be praying for you. And I’ll still be writing some on my blog when I have time, so you can subscribe to that if you want! As you can tell, I don’t write on it much, so there won’t be many emails!
We love you all!
Kristina
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