Seven.

It’s been seven whole years since we said “I do.” Some days it feels like just yesterday our love story began and others it feels like you’ve always been a part of me. I know that’s super cliché, but it is what it is. This marriage thing has been a lot more challenging than I thought it’d be as a young girl who dreamed about the boy she’d one day marry and the babies she’d have. It’s also shown me who I am and how I need to change to reflect Christ more. 

I still have so much to learn, and am obviously learning something each day…or either choosing to hold off on learning it another day 🙈 But over the past 7 years, here’s what I’ve learned. I’m going to try to keep it short, sweet, and to the point, because I know there are a lot of wiser people out there who have weathered more storms than we have. I’ll never stop asking questions to those women I look up to either. I want our marriage and family life to be filled with joy, learning, and hard work to make it work.

So here it is. Seven quick things I’ve learned…in no particular order:

1. Having kids or trying to have kids is stressful. It hardly ever turns out as you imagined it would when you were a child playing house. I thought I was destined to have 5 boys…or girl triplets. One of the two. Maybe my three girls symbolize my triplets ha! I never thought I’d have trouble having children, but I did when we first started trying. Instead of it taking 2 months, it took two years. I also never saw myself miscarrying a child and/or walking around with a sadness in myself longing deeply to know the child we lost. And all of that automatically adds stress. If you can’t have kids. Stress. If you have an unplanned pregnancy. Stress. If you lose a child. Stress and grief. Ultimately, we’ve learned slowly how to deal with these stresses children bring, but there will be a lot of learning to do with every new child.
2. That first year of marriage is tough. I’ve met some people who say the complete opposite. They say those first few years are complete bliss, but more often than not, it’s tough in the early days(…and I honestly think those people must be lying😜).  I had never lived with a man before Kevin. We both waited until marriage to move in together, because of our beliefs. So, when I found out he threw his socks on the floor, left dishes in the sink, and heaven forbid…left the toilet seat up, I didn’t know how to handle it! So, I stuffed it all inside, and then blew up on him every other week or just became standoffish. I didn’t know how to talk about these things with him. He was supposed to be the love of my life, and just be absolutely perfect…and do exactly as I do! Boy, my head space was so wrong…and so self-centered. I will forever be grateful to have gotten married then, so I could start working on my self-centeredness, because I sure thought the world spun around my thoughts and opinions of right and wrong. Some days, I still do, but I have a lot of little people to also show me to take take the log out of my own eye first before I start pointing out the specks in their eyes. Goodness, marriage is fun! So much self reflection. 
3. My husband LOVES me. I won’t say I have ever had a day of doubt of whether Kevin has loved me or not. His love languages are words of affirmation and touch, and he’s great at showing me words of affirmation! I always tell him that he doesn’t need to tell me so much, but in all honesty, I know I would miss all of his, “Have I told you how much I love you today?” questions and words of affection. Kevin is so much better at loving me than I am him. It’s crazy. I’d say that’s one of his top qualities…he loves hard and well. 
4. Playing cards is better than watching Netflix.  We always go on off of binge watching certain shows. But by the end of the 5th season, I feel like I hardly know Kevin…or what’s been going on in his life for the past 2 months. And I have so much to catch him up on as well! After we have one of those times where we just sit and sit and sit … watching hours of TV (gosh, that’s embarrassing to admit!), we take a little break from TV and play card games like we used to all the time. And when we start doing that, it makes me long for him, miss him, and learn even more about him. It’s so much healthier for our relationship than just sitting on the couch next to each other. I know there are some nights where you just don’t need to talk anymore, but I want to encourage you to pull out a game after the kids go to sleep…or do a puzzle together…or something that you love besides the TV. That show will always be there…and ultimately doesn’t matter. Your relationship does. Those precious hours once the kids are down are made for you and your hubby. Cherish them and cherish him. 
5. Invest in quality friendships over quantity. Before marriage, I was used to having so many friends around me all the time, being able to do what I wanted when I wanted. But, after Kevin and I got married, I learned in order to invest in the most important relationship in my life (other than Christ), I needed to have a lot of alone time with him. This became a big reality for us after adding a gaggle of kids to the family. We need a lot of family time to learn how to be a family unit that functions well. So, unfortunately, that means we aren’t able to hang out with everyone we want to when we want. It means picking and choosing what’s best for our family. To us, this looks like no more than two hangouts a week with other friends…whether that’s dinner with some friends at our house or one of us going out solo to meet some friends. There are a lot of weeks when we have a lot more on our calendar, but those weeks are SUPER hectic, and we definitely miss our family time. Those weeks are more stressful on us too. So, find those friends who understand you can’t hang out every night of the week anymore. Find those friends who understand and respect that…more than likely, they’re doing it with their family too. 
6. Keep trying. There are so many things I wouldn’t have started to enjoy if I didn’t keep trying…or will myself to try and like something for Kevin. It’s so important to take notice of what’s important to your significant other, because they aren’t mini versions of you ( I had to quickly figure this out when Kevin didn’t always want to go shopping, watch HGTV, or get manicures😜). This is a huge area of our relationship that I still need to work on. It’s hard to do what’s not a desire of yours. But, that’s the beauty of respect and submission…and just marriage in general. It’s this constant dance of learning new things to become closer as “one” …sometimes missing a step, but then communicating with your partner, and then getting back on track.   
7. Meal Plan. You may think I’m joking, but I’m not! I should probably say communication as my 7th, because communication is definitely a priority..it’s a MUST…but meal planning is key. I go in and out of meal planning phases. I just got back into the swing of things since having Winnie…like last week was my first week to actually meal plan again. And I have to say, it just makes the week go by so smoothly when you aren’t wondering what’s in your fridge for dinner or what groceries you need to go out and get for that night…or where you’re ordering takeout from again. It simplifies life a little bit, and I’m all about simplifying where ever I can right now since I have 3 kids to take care of and clean up after. Maybe “meal plan” could actually be a code word for simplify.🤔 Because having a plan that simplifies any area of your life with your spouse creates more cohesiveness and less bickering. Creating a plan brings you closer together…it’s like setting our New Year intentions basically, but for the two of you or your family.

So..there ya have it! I could actually keep going on and on, because being married has taught me more than I ever thought it would. But, those are the first 7 that came to mind. And to commemorate our 7 year anniversary, my dear friends at Heart and Heirloom created a beautiful pendant and set of earrings from our wedding flowers, peacock feathers from our wedding, and lace from under my wedding dress. (you can see my breastmilk ring they created for me here as well. )

It’s crazy to see what 7 years can create. For us, it’s created three beautiful girls to look after here on earth, a baby waiting for us in Heaven, friends and family who we cherish and can go to with any questions or concerns, a home full of love, memories that make us cry, laugh, and reminisce over and over again, but most of all just seeing Kevin in the past seven years of memories…it’s hard to remember life before us (again…I know that’s cliché, and I’m not the mushy lover type at all). 

So, yes, we put on our wedding duds again this year…got all dressed up with nowhere to go …except home…our favorite place with each other.

And here are a few good throwbacks from January 28, 2012. The day that started the rest of our lives together.