Sometimes Motherhood Feels Like Sheet

August 6, 2018

Well, not the girls’ luxurious sheets from Linens and Hutch. We LOVE their duvets and sheets. I swear they make them with a little liquid velvet. The materials feel so good against your skin. And I think the girls would agree. They’ve loved playing in their beds together…having tea parties, pretend sleepovers, just rolling around and being silly, covering up and trying to scare the other one…or us! And they’ve officially slept one night in the same room together! They may have both woken up a 2:30 in the morning, and then had to be separated, but we’re working our way up to a full night 😂. I’m only slightly tired.

And I’m still not sure if this room sharing thing will make them fight more or less, but we’re in it for the long haul now. Even if I have to throw all of our toys away so that nothing is “mine, mine, mine!” These girls have to learn! I feel like Hallen still has major jealousy issues, so that’s definitely at play. Whenever Hazel isn’t around, she’s the easiest kid on the block to parent, but as soon as Hazel wakes up, she turns into a different person. I need someone to tell me what to do, please! 😂😫 (That’s the sheet I’m talking about it.)

These young years are just a big roller coaster of emotion from one moment to the next for all of us involved, aren’t they? One minute, I feel like I have this mother thing down, and the next I feel defeated…and the defeated moments tend to stay with me longer than the mountain top moments. For the rest of the day, I can harbor on that one moment and start thinking I’m just going to ruin my children emotionally and psychologically…just living in the muddy waters of motherhood sheet.

I’m so glad to have other warrior moms in my corner who I can talk to, though, and see that it’s fairly normal. Being a parent is hard work. Like really hard…I’ve never had to do anything this hard in my life. I’m starting to think I could probably run a marathon… just so I could clear my head for a few hours…or 10..right?! Because being a parent is about being available 24/7, and that’s so much more than any other job. That’s a lot of availability. Always having to be on is tough! It doesn’t even matter that being a mom was my dream job…I know you guys know this. But some days, I just feel like my head or heart is going to explode, because there’s so much more going on than either one can contain. I want to be a mom who has everything together for these precious little souls, but then I yell again. And again!

Especially those mornings that start at 2:30am (like today)…you just kind of know that it’s going to set the tone for the rest of the day, because my kids need all of those hours at night to sleep, and if sleep doesn’t happen, it’s an emotional roller coaster kind of day.

But then, those sweet tender moments that happen between me and the girls give me just what I need to keep going. Keep me teaching. Keep my head in the game. It’s that little cuddle for three seconds, the hug on the leg, the infectious giggles…those moments are the powerhouse for the mom game. It’s like when babies start smiling around 6 weeks…it gives you that little , “ohhh I am doing something right. I was created for this” moment.

Or when your kids actually play together nicely. When they share with each other. Sharing is so hard for Hallen (my oldest). Like…INCREDIBLY hard. Whatever Hazel touches is automatically hers. It’s been an uphill battle since Hazel became mobile, and I have yet to see an end in sight. But, when I see them lying next to each other or playing dolls together…or even just holding hands nicely, I literally have to wipe tears from my eyes. Because in those moments, I can see that not everything I’m doing is ruining them. I can see that my place as a mother isn’t taken lightly and it wasn’t ever something promised to me. I can see it as my opportunity to love on these girls…and that I have been loving on them.

Those silly smiles and “I love you, mommy” moments really do mean just that. They don’t have any ulterior motive at 3 and 1. They make me want to do better and keep going so that I can give them my best and so they can be each other’s bests.

July 23rd. It’s a day that will be celebrated every year in this household from now on. The one and only day where I didn’t break up one fight! Not one! The girls were so sweet to each other. Playing in their new room together; taking care of their babies and stuffed animals; Hallen reading to Hazel. That was a mountaintop day.

Just being two fun girls. It was honestly a little slice of sisterhood heaven. And that’s what I’m hoping will happen more-so in their shared room. More forts and tea parties built from their sheets and duvets from Linens and Hutch. More baby loving, gummy eating, sister snuggling kind of days. I need it for my mama heart.

So, I guess all of this to say, if you’re stuck in the muddy waters of motherhood sheet somedays like I am, you aren’t alone. Being a mom who wants the best and wants to do the best for her babies sets the standard really high, so when you fail, you feel like there’s no way to ever climb back up out of the muddy hole. I’m trying to think of those tough (aka sheety) moments as refining moments so that one day I can be wiser and more humble. I’ve got a lot of growing and learning to do as a mom. I know there will be a lot more of these tough moments ahead. If you think my IG feed makes it look like I have it all figured out…I definitely don’t. Far from it. I just think to take my camera out when everyone is behaving 😂 , because let’s be honest…I might throw my expensive camera at a wall if I was trying to capture a temper tantrum. And that would just be another sheety motherhood moment.