First Couple Weeks Home

March 9, 2017

Going from a family of three to four has definitely been a transition, but not the type of transition that I expected. Everyone told me that one to two kids was going to be the biggest shock. I got so many people telling me that it was going to be so hard and the “oh you just wait. You have it easy now with one!” That one always irked me just a little bit, I’m not going to lie. Why do you feel like you need to trample on my dreams of a growing family? Yes, tell me truths, but wrap them in love!

And you know what? It hasn’t been that difficult. I kind of want to stick my tongue out at all the naysayers, but that would just be immature wouldn’t it? Ha! The most difficult part for me has been transitioning Hallen. Or even transitioning myself away from having just Hallen…being able to focus solely on her, because I already know and love her so darn much! No one told me my heart was going to ache for her. As soon as I knew I was really going to have another baby (like in the hospital room, probably two hours away from pushing), I had a complete meltdown. There were so many things I wanted to tell Hallen, and for her to understand. I wanted to hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay. That I still loved her so incredibly much! That I would rather hold her and play with her sometimes over sitting on the couch holding Hazel.

That is the toughest part. Yes, my heart has grown exponentially , just like everyone said it would, but my heart didn’t know how to comprehend that new love at first…or even what it would feel like!

And now, we’ve all settled in to a new type of routine. Hallen’s jealousy is mostly gone. It’s like she already forgot what being an only child was like. She has so much love for Hazel, it’s incredible! And that just makes me love both of my girls even more. I actually have to remind Hallen not to squeeze Hazel so hard. She just wants to give her big hugs all the time! And she’s not even a hugger! But she thinks everything that little Hazel does is so adorable and so funny. It’s really sweet to see how much she cares for her already.

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Yes…it’s more difficult to get out of the house. Yes. It’s more difficult to have “me time.” Yes. It’s more difficult to tend to two kids’ needs at the exact same time. Yes. It’s more difficult when twenty things are happening at once, and you happen to be peeing so it’s just one hot mess when you step out of the bathroom after literally being gone for 10 seconds! It IS more difficult. But, didn’t I know that I’d have more responsibilities going into this? I didn’t expect motherhood to be easy! I knew it would be putting a lot of my wants and needs aside while I raise these children that I so desperately prayed for…for YEARS! And I’m okay with that. There are days that are more difficult than others for me to put those wants and needs aside. Some days I do cry. But, I’d rather be crying a few tears over a hard day than not have this job at all. Motherhood is my calling. And, yes, I still want more children…even all sleep deprived and remembering what labor felt like. I wouldn’t change a thing.

One of the craziest moments we’ve had yet all happened within the span of maybe three minutes. Hazel happened to have the biggest explosive diaper that I had ever changed (thank you, Hallen, for never giving me one of these newborn diapers that went all the way to your head). I went into my bedroom to grab wipes, when I heard our dog, Zoe, rummaging through our trash can…and I DID just give birth, so all you ladies know exactly what the trash was filled with…pads (sorry if that’s TMI for anyone who doesn’t have kids). Nasty, nasty pads…all over my bathroom and remnants stuck on her mouth. It was gross! I tried to clean it up pretty quickly so I could tend to Hazel. When I got back out to the girls, Hallen had poured her Froot Loops ALL over the living room floor. They were everywhere. And this was a day where we actually had somewhere to be. Outwardly, I was kind of freaking out and flustered, but I couldn’t do anything except clean everything up and laugh. I figured it was some kind of hazing ritual into the motherhood of two. In the end, it did all get cleaned up, and we were only about 10 minutes late!

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And one time saver I’ve learned in case more of these disaster moments happen (which they won’t , right…?) is that I have to get up and get myself ready right as I wake up, so then I only have two people to get ready rather than three. I also need to lay my clothes out the night before, so I can just throw them on easily. One less thing to think about. I love this sweater from Design History that’s the perfect length for jeans or leggings. And these clogs are the perfect “mom shoe” that are still stylish! Super comfortable, and I can chase Hallen in them when I need to.

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We’ve been having so much fun as a family. And since we’ve had both sets of parents here, we’ve also been able to squeeze in some just Hallen time so that she doesn’t feel left out. Our friends have also been amazing… we have a meal train for ONE WHOLE MONTH!!! Like…I don’t ever have to think about cooking until almost April! How cool is that?! Our friends are the best!

These two and a half weeks have gone smoother than I originally thought they would go. Thank you to EVERYONE who’s been a part of this transition. Still learning to balance family, work, and life in general, so if I don’t respond to you right away or forget to call/text you, I really do still love and appreciate you! My mind can only grow at a certain rate while also losing brain cells at the same time ha!

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